Thursday, March 17, 2016

You did shit to me and i still sympathize you

"Dah dia tak boleh tolerate orally kan, kenapa bagi minum air lagi?"

I can still hear those words in an angry tone of voice ringing in my ear. I was hurt, shamed, felt guilty and embarrassed all at the same instant moment.

And I just said,
"Lah, I tak tau pulak dia tak boleh tolerate orally", I turned sad.

"Kalau dah muntah banyak kali after everytime makan minum tu, tak boleh tolerate orally lah", still in the same tone.

I was really sad. At that time I didn't know that nil by mouth should be put to him as he couldn't tolerate orally. So I felt like the stupidest person on earth, and I shouldn't be around Scott anymore, cause I couldn't take care of him.

But now I realized, and I've learnt that, if at that time he could not tolerate orally and should be kept nil by mouth, then how do we treat dehydration? He was not in the ward or emergency, he was in his room! So just let him lie there on his bed, prolonging his dehydration? Why no intravenous dehydration was given to him as he could not tolerate orally, and was discharged with ORS just like that from the emergency?

So I thought, in my defense, the doctor who discharged him must believe that he could tolerate orally, that's why the doctor discharged him from the emergency with ORS without prior intravenous dehydration.

And that's why in his room, I tried to give him water to drink because he was very ill-looking. But he vomited after that. And that bitch was mad at me for doing that to Scott. Bajet Pandai.

And secondly, the thing that I am not able to forget, let go from my mind, is the time during we were in the same committee organizing Graduation Ceremony for medical graduating class of 2015. during post-mortem i can still remember of how embarrassed i felt. He said that my team sent out invitations late to the lecturers, and I didn't invite the Ketua-Ketua Unit that I should (I didn't invite because he was the one who said not to in the first place, I can fucking remember that, and we i defended myself about it during the post-mortem, he denied. How fucking mental is he?), and I said I didn't properly arrange the VIP seats on the stage. I swallowed all that at that time. But now I'm vomiting it all out, for my defense.

Firstly, since when typing, printing and sending out invitation letters become the task for Protocol Team? Isn't the task for the secretary? so the secretary, as i may recall, she did the paperwork and submit to the admins, and writing up report. I mean, seriously, she obviously got more merits than I do, so, she obviously needs to do more task than me. Paperwork and report only? Whatever.

Secondly, what's the use of AJK Pendaftaran if they just sat there at the registration counter, waiting for people or invitees to come and sign up their names on the day of event. And they got the same amount of merits as what my team got, but we did more work, and we got bashed some more during post mortem. Problem is, they just handled graduates, when they should handled the VIPs and the lecturers too, because they are indeed AJK Pendaftaran. Prior to event, none of them requested from me the list of lecturers and VIPs who responded Yes. They just expected me to bring me the list on the day of event, when exactly from the beginning, they are the ones who should do all the invitations and RSVP for the VIPs and lecturers too, not just the graduates.

We are the ones who needed to finalised the award giving run flow, and put it into MC text, when actually we just need to request from AJK Hadiah for the namelist because they were the ones who should do that. We are the ones who ended up, do the invitations, follow-up for RSVPs, welcoming and escorting the VIPs to appropriate room for waiting, when AJK Pendaftaran and Sambutan are the ones who should do that.

And we have our own works too, mind you. We need to arranged the seats of the VIPs on stage, the seats of graduates, lecturers, parents, invitees on the floor, basically plan the floor, and we did. We also need to ensure that the speech text has been written, repaired and approved by the Admin Public Relation Officer, and we did. We need to revise the run flow, and rehearse, and we did. Briefing the VIPs about the run flow, arranging them into entrance lines and formations. We need to keep the formation of graduates during award session flowing in the right manner. It may or may not seem a lot, but if every other team do their own job well, our burden will become less, and become equal to each other.

Sometimes I ask myself, Why does most of the pre-event task mostly included in our job scope? I can't digest that until now. Hey you, just because you're the protocol team leader during last event, and maybe you did all those task, doesn't mean that it has to be repeated again for this time. In my perspective, somehow you wanna show off that you did all the works last time and all the credits in the world for the success of last event ought to be given to you.

That time you became the president and i was in protocol team, succeeding you, I think you failed to delegate the tasks fairly towards every other teams. So, the way you bashed me and my team during the post-mortem like we were failures, I put it back all on you bitch. You are the cause of failure. you blamed it all badly on us while actually the event was not even a failure, it turned out there was little small problems, but from the feedback from attendees it was good though. So why the need to bash? I think you just wanna humiliate me for not doing what you did last time. Huhh, as if you're always excellent. Fuck you.

And now, I sympathize you, because you don't have money, JPA has been cut off from your funding. I sympathize when you and your pretty boyfriend got into troubles, the car accident, the ride back from debate in Penang, the time when your boyfriend got sick. I sympathize you, but dunno why i do that after all you did.

I'm hungry.

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Banting, Selangor, Malaysia
If I wrote a note to God :)