Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Note To God

Assalamualaikum and Hai!

I dunno what I want to write right now, but there's a lot of things going on in my head at this moment. I mean like a lot. Really a lot. maybe  should try to make a list down here.

1. My stomach is not in a good condition. So I guess that pretty sums everything up. 
No just kidding.
But I do having some discomfort around my stomach, maybe my abs are going harder and tougher. omagosh! I'm so gonna look tough! haha bshit. thats never gonna happen as long as I keep eating shit and not work out or exercise. Let me proceed anyway.
2. There's this one particular mpp who's been keeping me on my nerve since yesterday. I mean, though he didn't actually directing it on me, but I do feel the hate that he's spreading. And, see, now, in return, I'm spreading it to you guys by writing this. In my opinion, maybe this is the first time he handled a program. he couldn't take the downside of the program. I mean like seriously, keep on saying that he hates himself for letting himself do what others ask him, and then when the result is bad, he called that others as idiots. I don't think that's nice. that's all I wanna judge. I don't wanna judge too much because, first, I may have the tendency to do the same mistakes that he did. second, I don't like to judge too much as I am not perfect my self. third, I don't really wanna screw my chances on getting into heaven by the sin of talking behind others back. moving on.
3. I always have a list on what to do next, but i don't always refer to it. And I hate myself for that. I've little self discipline. I need to train more. 
4. I need to wake from my bed earlier every morning, bathe and go out of house so my head will operate normally. Like, I'm really depressed at night when I realised I haven't done much like I'm not productive at all that day.
5. I don't know if I should go home or go Redang this weekend. Maybe screw all the programs I planned on going here. maybe I should take some time off to my hometown or to Redang. you know, hometown sounds great but, being remembered about what happened previously, I'm a bit less motivated to go there. About Redang, I reaally wanna go there but, I know theres a chance that my dad won't allow me. I don't wanna "pujuk" too much, firstly because when he said no, I should obey. And secondly, I have the experience before this. I "pujuk" my dad to much to allow me to come to USM Kelantan and the result was that I suffered my first year here. maybe second year too. 
6. I keep worrying that the students are shy or scared or whatever to keep them from contacting or interacting with us mpp. I don't really like it because you know, sometimes people expect much of mpp, but they only know that, you know, as mpp, we should do this, and that, but in fact in real life, they don't tell us what we should do or tell us those suggestions of theirs. they just keep talking to each other like they expect us to have ears everywhere. so i couldnt really assess their mind all the time. the truth is, this feeling came to me, some times before, when one of my close friends said, ".... Shah, diorang kata tahun ni mpp macam x buat kerja je....". I was. speechless. amazed. depressed. i was clueless. numb. like i don't know. i'm not sure of anything. maybe it's their ignorance of what we did, or maybe it's my ignorance of them. I don't know. maybe we are too quiet by only making sounds thru facebook spread. maybe we should just screw Sustainability, screw paper usage, print everything on papers and give them to each students doors. i don't know. or or maybe we should go to jpa and push the Pengarah by knife so that he will give us the money early and not late even a day because students are dying because theres no other source to get money like our Students Affair Division and Islamic Centre 'dont' allow us to borrow money like lecturers and Academic Advisors and Mentors are too evil to lend us money and we are too high of our status to ask people to lend us money like we cannot live in hardness of life not even for a second or we'll die. yah maybe like that.
7. I hate it when I get the feelings or I get to know that students don't know about anything happening in the campus when we tell them things through facebook. and they have facebook too like they don't even have the effort to open up a page of usm or mpp or whatever sources. like they expect things or information HAVE to be at their doorstep every morning or if they don't know about it they blame the authorities. yeah. I hate when that happens and I hate when that feelings come to me.
8. And I hate that I spread too much hatred on this page, my own lovely sweetness of life page.
9. Maybe I should write the name of this blog as, "Some Parts of My Letter To God" since the one that I should be complaining or praising to is to Allah and not to other people. As people of this earth are no higher than any other. we are all equal. Except Our Prophet PBUH (Oh how I hope he's here and teach us more and make this world a lovely place).

Dear Allah, forgive me for I have sinned so much upon your Earth. Guide me, bless me, keep my heart open to the the love and good side of everything Oh Allah. 

That's all my heart can scream for now.
Bye :)
Assalamualaikum, Good Night.

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Banting, Selangor, Malaysia
If I wrote a note to God :)