Hye everyone! I mean, anyone!
I always would like to post song lyrics just to tell you how I'm feeling at the moment. I am going to share with you what happened to me last year (first year undergraduate).
"I just made some stupid actions in front of the whole lecture. malunya!!!! only God knows how I feel now. Here's what happened. I arrived late to lecture this morning, which is a very usual thing for me everyday, and so I sat in the back row. After a few minutes Dr Asma came into the lecture hall thru the back door and sat next to me. Dr Masa's voice was so slow and soft at that time and suddenly Dr Asma asked me to turn up the volume of the speaker. Mind you that the volume control is located exactly in front of the talking lecture, in front of the whole class. So as to obey my teacher(lecturer), I walked down the stairs towards the controller. I can hear my footsteps as I descend the stairs after I realized that all eyes in the hall were rested on me. I mean, seriously, SHOE, can you produce louder sound effect? I hate you shoe! So I tried to walk down the stairs more discreet and quietly and that involved me walking retardly down like someone who lost a toenail walking on fire! I was like, why am I walking like this? Can you imagine, me walking down the stairs from the back row, retardly, to the front?! It took me like 2 minutes I think to reach the controller! 2 minutes of retard walking! Duhh I laughed at myself for my greatest self-humiliation act ever!
I mean, it's my first year! I am supposed to make friends and now I think no one wants to befriend with an awkward weirdo like me. Huh, anyway, so I walked towards the speaker volume control which is nearby Dr masa, who was giving lecture at that time, I smiled at him a little and tried to whisper "Dr Asma asked me to turn up the volume" while he was delivering. I turned up the volume but it is already at its highest! So I just pretended to turn it up so that other people would know my intention. As I turned back I realized everybody was laughing! In a not-so-discreet manner kind of laugh and I was so blur at first about what they were laughing about. So i climbed up the high, long stairs back to my seat and on the way climbing, I realized that I just did something stupid. I did turn up the volume of the speaker but actually the lecturer's voice was the faulty! I was like a moron freak who don't know how to tell the lecturer to speak louder so that people can hear him from the back. I just turned up the volume like I was trying to be sarcastic. As if I was trying to make a joke. Silly me, how can stupid can you be at such time! Uhh! Now the Dr must really hate me for insulting him and at that moment I knew I have a potential to fail anatomy. Anyway, I can still hear people's small laughs so I tried to control my urge to LOL and gave them the I'm-not-guilty awkward smile. Another weird act of the day by me! Great! My future seemed 'brighter'. Stupid humiliating actions that I won't do again. God help me thru this.."
This is quite the thing that I wrote in my diary last year. More or less.
But the thing is, people may interpret things that you do, they may say something, compliment or critic, but only you and your God knows your pure intention. I mean, I didn't mean to insult anyone, but people laughed as if I was insulting. Or maybe they laughed by the way I retard-walk! Anyway, critics are everywhere, watching you dress, gossiping your life story, but only you should decide who you are. Take or not take the critics because there are thin lines separating critics from advice. Just something to think about. Have a beautiful life!
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